


My Ghost

by AsagiStilinski



Series: Pridecember 2019 [14]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Ghosts, Haunting, Kaiba Seto Needs a Hug, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Pridecember, Yami Yuugi | Atem Has His Own Body, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Seto Kaiba has never believed in ghostsHe's struggling to hold onto that now
Relationships: Atem/Kaiba Seto
Series: Pridecember 2019 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560421
Kudos: 35





	My Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> For day 14- "Ghost", just something small and quiet

Seto Kaiba does not believe in ghosts

He only very believed in spirits and that was due to the undeniable proof he had from Atem's vanishing

But.... ghosts were another story

Ghosts were not real

Ghosts were a myth made from people who were desperate for something to hold onto after losing a loved one, or freaks who thought they could see the future or talk to the dead

Ghosts were not real, of that much, Seto was certain

And yet.....

When he inhaled, there was a phantom scent in the air of spice and warmth

When he exhaled, he could feel a chill brush against his shoulder-blades

He couldn't sleep without feeling the unnerving sensation of someone else in his bed, despite knowing that no one was there

He couldn't work without hearing a haunting tune playing through his head, reminding him of laughter and a quiet, deep voice

Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw _him_ , and for a moment, just a moment, he liked to pretend it was real

But it wasn't

 _He_ wasn't, anymore

Seto resigned himself to the fact that these were fantasies

That they didn't really exist and that he was imagining them as some sort of coping mechanism

He allowed himself to admit that he was greiving, even if he still couldn't quite pull the confession out of his mouth that he missed the pharaoh, the man who had once felt so strongly for, who he once thought infallible...

He found himself looking for remnants of him wherever he went

He flinched everytime he saw the Dark Magician, winced at every Kuriboh

He stared after men wearing leather and chains a little longer than he should, watched after anyone with dyed hair done up in spikes

He found himself staring a little too forlornly at the museum each day as he passed it on his way to work and wandering into gift shops and drug stores, feeling drawn to boxes offensively labelled "Egyptian Spice"

They never smelled familiar

The house was always too cold and the bed was always too warm, he could never focus, couldn't regain his thoughts

Dueling had lost all passion and no matter how hard he tried to work on his next tournament it just never went anywhere worthwile

By the time six months had passed, Seto didn't have the strength left to resist anymore

He ached in ways he hadn't thought possible, and for someone he had never even admitted to being in-....

....

Well, he supposed it didn't matter anymore, not really

He was listless and hopeless and no amount of burrying himself in work or hiding away in his office seemed to help

He tried avoiding Yugi and his freinds and he tried spending time with them- even if only in a roundabout manner, never actually "hanging out" with them but more... conveniently being where they were

Neither option helped him at all

Finally, by the time a year had gone by, he was out of options and ideas

He couldn't move on with his life if he couldn't _move on_ , and all of the effort he had been putting into bringing Atem back...

It only ever went so far

It was never enough

And so, one night, just barely more than a year after the last time he had seen the pharaoh, he found himself sitting alone in his office

There was no grave to visit

No headstone to lay flowers on

There was no accessible final resting place for him to mourn at

And so he sat in his office with his fingers tracing over some trinket he'd picked up in Egypt when he was there last, supposedly a good luck charm but... he wasn't ready to actually call it that

More, he just wanted something to vaguely remember him by

To... vaguely remember _him_ by.....

Leaning back in his chair, exhaling slowly, Seto closed his eyes and clung onto the little peice in his hands, holding it to his chest

"Damn you," he said, quietly to himself, unable to believe that he was actually following through on this contrived idea

"Damn you for leaving, for being such a martyr, as per usual.... for.... leaving before I could defeat you.... for not coming back.... for leaving me like this, open-ended and-..... damn you Atem...."

That name....

He had never actually said it, had he?

It tasted sweet on his tongue, but there was a hint of bitterness clinging beneath it, promising something older and harder to cope with, something he wasn't prepared to admit to yet, something he wasn't prepared to let go of yet

He wanted more

He wanted more time, more opportunities, more of... _him_....

"Why did you leave?" he breathed quietly, squeezing the charm again

"Why won't you return?"

He refused to call it prayer, because that's not what this was

And he refused to say he was talking to a ghost, because it wasn't that either

He wasn't sure what to call it, but he didn't quite care to call it _anything_ really

He didn't have to label it, and he wouldn't, not as long as he could help it

He fell asleep like that

Restless and exhausted and holding onto that damn charm

He didn't sleep much, but he could swear that the dream he had of Atem was real

He woke the next morning bitterly, but still wondered as he felt the phantom heat of skin on his own if it was really a dream

~+~

Atem did come back eventually

It took alot of effort and alot of confessions- mostly on Seto's part for that one- but it did happen

Seto slept again for the first time in ages

He didn't dream, but it was peacefull

He could breathe again without suffering, and he could move without painfull memories

He felt like he had spent the last year and a half as a ghost himself, but now when he woke in the middle of the night, he could feel familiar arms tight around him, familiar warmth sinking into his skin, he could reach down and trace his fingers along bare flesh and reminded himself that Atem was there, alive again, not dead or a phantom....

Not a ghost, anymore


End file.
